"You should treat Mother's Day the same as every other day!!! By leaving messes everywhere you expect me to clean up! Why should it be any different? I don't have time to go anywhere, I have to do your chores!"
Yes, that was me yesterday on discovering that much of the work I had done the day before was.... well.... undone. I was over-worked, exhausted, and aggravated. I was tired of cleaning and tired of being tired. Preparing to go out for my "surprise" seemed like too much extra work.
I actually decided to let my boyfriend take the kids out, and leave me home to catch up. My conversation with him went something like this,
"Oh quit that....If you don't go, I won't come."
"Just stick to original plan then."
"So, you're going?"
"Fine. The kids are looking forward to going with you.... you said you won't go if I don't....so I have no choice. You win."
"Hmmmm, I'm doing this for you...."
At which point in time I huffed and puffed around the kitchen, cleaning messes I hadn't made.
This is real life people. This is what happens when you are raising three kids alone. Full time. No assistance. No family support. No child support. Just you and them. Real life.
Being a single mother is NOT easy. It is not perfect. It is not beautiful. Raising children with special needs put an entire new, and typically misunderstood, spin on it.
Mother's Day represents, for me, a lack of sleep, a messy house despite hours of chores, never enough money, struggling to pay bills, a car that always breaks down, showers being a luxury, sibling arguments, no dating life, no social life, and a high level of stress.
Mother's Day this year was trying to shuffle everything so that we could have a fun family outing. Packing food, making sure everyone had appropriate attire, making sure there are enough diabetic supplies, cleaning out and vacuuming the van, making sure all pets were attended to, etc, etc, etc and then jumping in the shower last minute right before walking out the door.
Ironically, the founder of the American Mother's Day stated, "A printed card means nothing except that you are too lazy to write to the woman who has done more for you than anyone in the world. And candy! You take a box to Mother - and then eat most of it yourself. A pretty sentiment." (Keep in mind, she died alone and broke in an asylum)
Mother's Day makes me sit back and reflect on all that I do, and how crazy it is that people tend to only recognize the efforts of mothers on a designated day each year. Worse yet that all parents are recognized in exactly the same way..... regardless of whether or not they've ever really even been a mother to their children.
Mother's Day makes me recognize all the days that I haven't recognized my children's contributions and effort....... the times they do chores without asking, show me affection, request board game night or movie night, or stay super quiet so that I can sleep late.
I'm thankful for my life with my children. I couldn't imagine a life without them. I couldn't imagine a day without fussing, disciplining, cleaning, cooking, mending, fixing, and so on. I couldn't imagine how boring and dull life would be without them.
But, I don't need Mother's Day. I don't need that across the board, same for everyone, recognition.
I get everything I need in the simple kisses, board games, snuggles, hugs, apologies, and so on.
I don't need a special day, any more then my kids do.
Life is hard as hell for my kids and I. We know that every single day.
And every single day, no matter which of us loses our cool, we love each other.
That's all I need.
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