Orgasm SUCCESS

Before getting into the "juicy" details (yes, pun intended), let me give you a brief background outline.

Unable to achieve orgasms through masturbation (not due to lack of trying or lack of creativeness)

Mid-30s and had only had 3 (yes, that is the single digit three) orgasms. I wasn't aware the first one was an orgasm (I thought I had accidentally urinated on him) until the second orgasm which was an "ah-ha" moment!

Surfing past the mid-30 mark, I met a man that knew exactly how to bring forth orgasms. Multiple orgasms, squirting orgasms, lie in bed with legs quivering after orgasms, see a kaleidoscope of lights orgasms, wondering if neighbors heard the screams orgasms, I quit smoking years ago but need a cig orgasms..... well, you get the picture.

Late-30s (just a couple of days ago).........................

MASTURBATION ORGASM SUCCESS

Yes, I am excited! If you'd gone your entire life unable to bring yourself to orgasm and finally achieved success, you'd put it in huge letters as well. I think that I should have a certificate printed and framed to hang on my wall. One with a cool, embossed silver medal in the corner that requires a calligraphy signature.

So, how exactly did I finally manage this success?

Let's pause here for a moment. I'd like you to take a few minutes to closer your eyes and think of all the possible ways a woman could bring herself to orgasm with masturbation after years of being unable to do so.

OK, now that you've thought that through and entertained your widely varied ideals, let's get on with MY story. ;)

I entered the shower admiring the newest shower head. In addition to the wonderful large head above that has three different water flow settings, there is also a hand held shower head attached by a hose that has three different water flow settings. Better yet, you have three options to choose from; above shower head only, hand held shower head only, or both.

I briefly entertained the idea of attempting masturbation yet my to numerous to count failures exploded into my consciousness. Did I want to try yet again only to feel such frustration at failing to achieve orgasm? Yet, that new hand held shower hose was tempting.

I quickly and deftly removed the hand held shower head from the hose. You see, the hose provides a solid, steady, wide stream that feels deliciously good. I stood looking at the hose as the liquid streamed from it across my body.

What could I do different that might work this time? I had long since realized that my failure to achieve orgasm was due to an emotional/mental hangup and not a physical one. So, how could I get over that?

I thought about my most recent orgasms. The only orgasms I'd really experienced in life have all come in the last two years. What factors contributed to them?

Being controlled

Rough

Unrelenting and Continuous stimulation

Well, the rush of water coming from the hose would be considered rough. So, that base was covered.

Being controlled, now that one is a bit tricky. Maybe I could put certain stipulations on myself that I would not waver on. Hmmmm.....OK, back against wall, feet spread shoulder width apart, knees slightly bent, head back against wall. Regardless of all else I decided that I MUST stay in that exact position and could not move at all. To add a little more control to it, I told myself that I was not allowed to make even the slightest sound.

Unrelenting and continuous stimulation; Typically when attempting to reach orgasm by myself, I would feel that familiar rising to the "peak". In this scenario, I'm referring to that wonderful peak you reach just as your body explodes into orgasm. Well, YOUR body as my body, while masturbating, typically reaches that peak and then NOTHING. It's as if all sensation, feeling, etc has disappeared and never existed. Even what should be a pulsing clitoris is dead of sensation. In frustration I usually stop there. However, this time, in the spirit of trying to step out of the normal attempts, I decided that I would continue past that until one of two things happened: I achieved orgasm or I ran out of hot water.

OK, so I now had three criteria in place. Two of those criteria were new. Before I could overthink it (as the entire process above only took about 3 minutes), I started.

I spread my feet shoulder length apart.

I bent my knees slightly.

I pressed my naked and wet back against the wall.

I pressed my head against the wall.

I laid my left hand on my thigh.

Holding the water hose in my right hand, I directed the stream of gushing hot water towards my most delicate of parts while the shower head above cascaded soft rivulets of water down my body.

I closed my eyes and relaxed into the sensation.

My clit began to pulse.

My back impulsively started to arch but, knowing that I was required to keep it against the shower wall, I focused on keeping it held tightly back. Instead of arching my back, I found myself pressing my back and head into the wall of the shower as the tension rose between my legs.

Slowly I began to progress to that peak. The water became a roaring in my ears. My eyelids closed and my eyes traveled upward. My head was pressed furiously into the wall behind me. My legs impulsively wanted to straighten but I kept my knees slightly bent. My left hand grasped my thigh as it's fingernails dug into my soft, supple flesh. I felt that all to familiar peak. Then......

NOTHING.

That deadness that always hits came. However, I had to either orgasm or run out of hot water before I could stop. So, with back and head pressed against the wall and my knees slightly bent, I lowered my eyes in disappointment but continued allowing the rush of hot water slice across my most delicate parts.

Quickly, without warning, my entire body tensed. I pressed my head and back into the wall, kept my knees slightly bent, and made certain that I did not make a sound as the waves of orgasm swept over me.

SUCCESS.

Finally, after more years than I care to mention, I'd been able to release an orgasm from my own body.

I let the wall support me as that now familiar weakness came across me. I looked down at my body in amazement. I had succeeded. Orgasms could now be had by me alone.

I smiled to myself as I returned the shower head to the hose and allowed the soft rivulets of water flow down my now relaxed body.

I do believe I may be taking more than one shower a day now.

:)

Masturbation....Not For Me

It seems the stars have aligned in such a way that many have struck up conversations in the last couple of days regarding masturbation. Some of these are due to my writings where I mentioned that by mid30s I had only had 3 orgasms. Others just seemed to be the cosmic powers that are influencing things!

So, I'll lay it out here.

I was a mother of two children before I had my first orgasm. We were on the living room floor, on a very very expensive rug (worth more than all my possessions). I was on top, riding to my heart's content. When it happened, I thought I had urinated. Which is what I told him. I was appalled that I had urinated on that rug! He quickly jumped up to grab something to wipe it up. While cleaning it up he asked, "Are you sure it was urine?"   Dumbfounded I asked, "What else could it be?"  He then asked if it could have just been an orgasm. When I told him I didn't know, that I had never had one nor had I ever pissed myself during sex, he looked at me incredulously. I told him he was the doctor, he should know which one it was. Once he regained his voice, he said, "Well, it looks as if I gave you your first orgasm". Throughout the next few days he asked me quite a bit of questions. I would have thought a doctor would know that some women don't have orgasms, but he seemed pretty shocked.

Many years ago, my rape therapist told me that it was all about trust. Once I found someone I trusted not to hurt me, I'd be able to relax enough to achieve orgasm. I laughed and asked her, "Well, I can't orgasm when I masturbate either. Does that mean I don't trust myself?"  With a very serious gaze, she stared deep into my eyes and asked, "Well, do you?"   (Wake Up Call)

The second and third time came a decade later. By the same person. By fingering on that wonderful Gspot. I am certain I could have had more, however my trust in him became corroded. He had been dishonest with me in an attempt to "spare your feelings". I discovered then that once trust is gone, I can no longer come anywhere close to orgasm.

Then, I met HIM. I can't count how many mind blowing, earth shattering, back to back, explosive, saturating, call for Noah we're gonna drown, orgasms HE has given me. All with fingering that exquisite spot. Never had he failed to bring me to that lovely place where all else is forgotten and my body floats in an ethereal cloud of tranquility.

Most recently, I did achieve orgasm once by a different mean. It was purely with clit stimulation. It was not anything like the orgasms achieved previously. This was a very laid back, mild, go with the flow type of orgasm. It was nice, and I wouldn't mind it on a regular basis either. I could never achieve it again, as trust was broken in that relationship also.

However, my body craves the other kind that HE has made sure I've become accustomed to.

So, there you have it. I have only found one man that can consistently make me cum. Do I trust him? Yes and No. Ironically enough, he's the ONLY man I've ever allowed to be rough with me. His bites have left bruises that lingered for weeks and that caused me to gasp if I turned the wrong way. His belt has left welts. His thrusts have left me bruised and sore for days. His grasp on my hair left my scalp tender and washing it painful. Yet, HE is the one man that I trust totally and completely not to hurt me. Yes, he's done things that sent me into a flashback (PTSD) before. Yet, he is also the one that held me, comforted me, and kept it from escalating. He'll never do the same thing again, until I come to him and ask that we ease into it. I trust him never to hurt me. In his own way, he wants to protect me. He wants to keep me from harm.

Whether I openly admit it or not, I know that I am his "good girl".