Someone Else.....Control Me

I have been in control for 14 years. Total, complete. Never letting go. Never being able to accept help.

I'm tired.

Bone weary.

Exhausted.

I have so many responsibilities and though I'm capable of handling them all, I'm tired of being in control, in charge.

I don't want to make all the decisions anymore.

I want a break.

I crave a break.

I think I may NEED a break.

I don't want to quit doing all that I am doing. I still want to parent, clean, work, go to college.

I just want someone to tell me when to do things.

Sometimes I just want someone to tell me how to do things (like how to come up with the money to keep my internet from being cut off in three days).

I want someone to tell me, and even make me, go to bed each night by 10pm and get up by 7am. I want someone to tell me, and even make me, take the time to put lotion on each day. I want someone to tell me, and even make me, keep my car cleaned out and vacuumed. I want someone to tell me, and even make me, not drink sodas every day. I want someone to tell me, and MAYBE even make me, have sex on a regular basis, with orgasms.

I want someone to tell me, and even make me, realize that I am good enough. I want someone to tell me, and even make me, love myself.

I want someone to take care of me. Just for a little while. To make sure that I have what I need. To help me achieve my goals, my dreams. Someone that will do it simply because they think I'm worth it and not for what they can get out of it instead.

I want to breathe. I've been holding my breath for so long, hoping that it will all work out.

I'm tired.

I want a break.

I NEED a break.

Yet there is no one to give it to me.