First Dates, Facades, Forever

First Dates SUCK.

Don't get me wrong, occasionally you have that amazing first date that blows you away. Yet, more often than not, you sit through the date wondering why you are even dating at all. Your empathy allows you to clock the lies as soon as they pass the lips as well as sense the insincerity. You would much rather the male simply speak his mind and say, "I really just want a one night stand". All the fronts, facades, and games are simply ignorant and annoying.

I've been told that I should lower my standards. I've been told that "everyone lies" and that everyone pretends to be someone they aren't. I've been told that I need to accept that 99% of the men I meet first think that they want to fuck me and that's just how men are. I've been told that I should wear more makeup and not go barefoot so much. I've been told that I shouldn't tell them about my "geek" hobbies/interest and that I sure as hell shouldn't mention the volunteer work I've done over the last decade or so. I've been told not to mention my colorful past and not to tell anyone about the career I dream of. I've been told to "dumb it down" when I speak, and to use less "big words". I've been told that I don't need to let the man know that I can do, and even enjoy, "guy stuff".

In all reality, to each person that has told me that I needed to do, or not do, something so that I could end up in a long term relationship with a man......................

FUCK YOU

I would rather live my entire life single than pretend to be something I'm not. In all reality, I don't mind being single. I could go the rest of my life single and be content.

Sure, I sometimes think about how nice it would be to have someone as a constant in my life. Yet, I want to share my joys, my thoughts, my happiness, my exuberance for life and my passion with them. If I have to pretend to be different than I am, how would I do that?

If I chose to have someone in my life, he will be REAL. He will have accepted himself fully, with all his differences that society labels as dysfunction. He will know that he is perfect just the way he is, and that although self growth is of prime importance, it doesn't make where he is at present "not enough". He will accept that he is beautiful and embrace every aspect of himself... his likes, dislikes, dreams, fantasies, fears, hang ups, "glitches", hobbies, goals, etc.

He won't care what others think, but will instead stand up for what he believes in. He will educate and advocate. He will think for himself and though he will listen to others opinions and research others belief systems, he will adopt only what he has pondered and considered compatible with his life.

There are many things we will not agree on, for his thoughts will be as free of society's pressures as my own. He will have refused entrance into all cliques and accepted that he is an unique individual that does not fit into any mold. When others are asked what he is like, each one will give a contrasting account of his personality though each will remark on his absolute honesty, integrity, and honor.

I am not perfect. I carry many scars and have weathered many storms that have aged me beyond my years. I am jaded when it comes to "I love yous". I am wary of all and take much time before I can accept someone into my life fully. Only a few know my entire story and they are the ones that I would willingly sacrifice any and all for.

Someone once told me that I was seeking perfection and that I would never find it.

Ironically enough, should I partner with someone, he will be deemed as the farthest from perfection as a man can be. Others will label him and the same ones that old me my expectations are too high will argue that he doesn't even meet a standard minimum. Yet, he will be one of the few that know my entire story and together we will conquer the world.

We will spread our concept of unconditional acceptance of all and teach others that true love starts with acceptance of oneself.

Love.

That really is the beginning and the end of all things