April is Autism Awareness Month

April is Autism Awareness Month.

Both my boys are on the spectrum.

I could list here all the different aspects of Autism.... the characteristics, the hardships, the differences, the variations, etc.

Those you can find on Google.

My eldest son is an amazing young man. He has more compassion for people than I have ever seen. I look at the great prophets and saints recorded throughout history, in various religions and various chronicles, and I'm certain that my son ranks with them. Never has anyone loved, cared, felt so deeply. OK, well, maybe not "never", but most assuredly not often.

He is very very intelligent. Math in his head..... photographic memory...... figuring out complex issues without a second thought. He will look you in the eye when speaking to you. He will smile, and laugh.

Yet, life is difficult for him.

Each task that he has to accomplish must be broken into the smallest of steps. "Task Analysis" is the term used for this. Let's use brushing your teeth as an example. For you and I neurotyps (stands for neuro typical.....meaning we do not have Autism), it's a one step process, isn't it? Not so for those on the spectrum. Brushing your teeth consists of multiple steps. A task analysis for teeth brushing looks like this:

Pick up your toothbrush

Turn on the water

Rinse your toothbrush

Take off the lid of the toothpaste

Squeeze a small bit of toothpaste on your toothbrush

PUT THE LID BACK ON THE TOOTHBRUSH

Begin to brush your teeth

Brush the back inside teeth

Brusth the back outside teeth

Brush the front inside teeth

Brusth the front outside teeth

Repeat process

Rinse toothbrush

Put toothbrush back in the toothbrush cup

Turn off the water

15 steps just to brush your teeth. How many steps do you think a task such as showering has? Or, what about cleaning a bedroom? Cleaning a kitchen after a meal has been prepared? Getting ready for school? Yeah, it can be overwhelming.

Another obstacle is the fact that, for all outward appearances, he looks "normal". Sure, his clothes may be mismatched, inside out, buttoned wrong or untied. His hair may not have been styled and he may not have brushed his teeth. He may have forgotten his glasses and therefore is squinting to see. Yet, he looks "normal".

So, when you use sarcasm, and he doesn't realize it, you may think he isn't paying attention. Did you roll your eyes and yet he didn't seem to notice that either? Did you change the tone of your voice to sound stern, yet that didn't cause any effect? Have you placed your hands on your hips to make your point, yet still he doesn't seem to care?

He does care. He can't read facial expressions, tone, inflection, body posture and the like. When speaking you must speak truthfully, directly, and without vague references.

He battles Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. He has a level of perfection in his mind that he must achieve. Accepting anything less is very difficult and only achieved with outside intervention.

He's also Type 1 Diabetic and although he's a pro at counting carbs, he can not remember when to check his sugar, to check ketones, or when he must have a site change. He can not make executive decisions in situations where one has to look at the totality of the situation to determine if one should treat a low, take more or less insulin, or eat a meal a bit early. Carbs are carbs and he can't understand how some carbs can impact him so negatively, while others do not. Due to his sensory issues, he is not able to "feel" his highs or lows. Thus, he has to check his sugar, with reminders from others, every two hours.

"Micro-manage"....that's the word we use. For tasks to be completed, they must be micro-managed. We've learned ways to be successful, but it takes much more effort than one could ever imagine.

He won't be able to live independently. This is a realization I only allowed myself to accept most recently. When I spoke to him about it, he had realized it long before. He knew that diabetes, added on top of his Aspergers and other health issues, altered his life. I struggled with accepting this much more so than him.

Do I mind that he will always live with me? Not at all. I love my son and will champion him and fight for him more than anyone else. I enjoy his company, and he constantly is able to remind me of what really matters (compassion towards others). We'll travel to wondrous places and conquer dragons. It will be a good life.

I struggled to accept it because, as with most things, I had a mental picture of what his future would be. It was different then what it is. It isn't worse or better. Just different. Sometimes we all have trouble accepting different and change. I'm working on wrapping my arms around the new picture and loving up on it!

He doesn't have many friends. The ones he do understands that he processes information differently and therefore have adapted to make things easier for him. The friends he does have are the truest and purest kind that understand different is not wrong. They are true champions as well. They remind him to check his sugar, listen as he talks for hours about his single interest, and get him to eat when he feels to bad to do so.

The college he attends has gone out of their way to meet his needs. He has a tutor, as well as two instructors that meet with him to help. They remind him to do sugar checks, to clean up his messes, and to eat regularly. They pay attention if he starts to get a little foggy headed, know emergency numbers, and where his diabetic supplies are. They open their offices regardless of their schedules and have truly become a great support system.

Depression and anxiety are constant companions. His high intelligence level makes him aware of what is considered "normal". Although he knows what others perceive as "normal", and what he would have to do to be that way, he can not do those things. As a result he feels he doesn't fit into this world. He gets frustrated because he can't seem to accomplish the things he sets out to do. He is saddened that other people get angry with him, when he intended no harm. It hurts him that others assume things about him based, not on who he is, but on what their perception of normal is. He becomes anxious around new people, or in crowds.

The truth is, if we, society, changed our perception of what normal is, his life would be easier. If we could understand that those on the Autism spectrum are literal and honest, his life would be easier. If we could quit judging those that dress different, act different, or even look different, his life would be easier. If we were to be straightforward and honest instead of hiding behind falsities, innuendos, and subtle hints, his life would be easier.

April is Autism Awareness Month.

What can YOU do to make a difference?

Reach out to those that have Autism. Take the time to get to know them. Learn how to effectively communicate with them. Become their friends. Friendship is give and take. They will give more than you can comprehend initially. Let go of your preconceived ideas and act on love.

Remember, every single person with Autism is different then the next person with Autism. There is not a mold. Each are different. Get to know them and be their friend.

I promise, it will be worth it.

Adam Lanza and Asperger Syndrome

Just once I'd like to see the media portray Asperger Syndrome AS IT ACTUALLY IS. I have to give props to Adam Lanza's father, Peter Lanza when he stated , "Asperger's makes people unusual, but it doesn't make people like this."

However, at the same time her refers to those with Asperger's as being "arrogant". He states that all the kids in the Tech Club at the high school are "weird and smart". He stated that Adam thought "he could control her (his mother) more than he could control me."

Adam's mother stated that, "“While Adam likes to believe that he's completely logical, in fact he's not at all, and I've called him on it."

A psychiatrist that Adam saw, Paul J. Fox, implied that home school equated with "isolating him from his peers."

The reporter, Andrew Solomon, commented on "violence by autistic people" when there is an invasion of personal space and then follows the statement with a comment on committing crimes.

Lastly, the reporter stated, "Both Autism and psychopathy entail a lack of empathy."

So, where do I, the mother of two children on the Autism spectrum stand? Where do I, the mother of a teenage boy of Aspergers, other of an 8 year old with High Functioning Autism, and friend to many adults and children Aspies stand?

First, I have yet to meet a child with Asperger Syndrome that is arrogant. Let's take a moment to define "arrogant". Google defines it as, "having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities." Yet, this article goes on and on about how Adam felt that he couldn't do anything right. How he was frustrated and helpless at his inability to complete tasks he should have been able to do, tasks his peers could perform. NOTHING in the article, or anything I've read about Adam portrayed arrogance. Show me just ONE child with Asperger Syndrome that is "arrogant". Just show me one!! You'll be hard pressed to do that.

Peter Lanza also said that Adam felt he could control his mother. Yet again hasn't all the information about Adam show that he felt no control at all? Again, show me one child with Asperger Syndrome that seeks to control others. It doesn't happen. They want to be able to control their own environment, just like neurotypicals. Yet, Asperger Syndrome makes it more difficult to do that.

Adam's mother stated that Adam felt he was completely logical, which he wasn't. Yet, the majority of children on the Autism spectrum are VERY logical and take everything VERY literal. If you stop to look at things from their literal perspective, then it is VERY logical. The more time you spend with those that are on the Autism spectrum, the more you realize that it is us, the neurotypicals that aren't logical. It is us, the neurotyps, that use phrases that do not make sense (it's raining cats and dogs). It is us, the neurotyps, that base our decisions on emotions, that will change plans at the last second, and that can leave tasks half finished without skipping a beat. Which of us, the neurotyps or Aspies are more logical?

I won't even respond to the comment Paul J. Fox made implying that homeschool equates isolation. If the general public hasn't wizened up to this myth by now, than that's on them.

Violence by autistic people when entering their personal space.......... Yes, some children on the spectrum can not tolerate you're entering their personal space. Some children on the spectrum have no concept of personal space. I'm mother two children that exhibit both (one is the first, one is the latter). In this respect, they are just like some neurotyps I've met. Come on, we know the guy or gal that stands to close when speaking to us. We also know the guy or gal that will not allow you to hug them or get close to them physically. Asperger Syndrome is no different then neurotyps in being one way or the other. The difference comes in how that information is processed by the brain. Yes, my youngest child will resort to what could be deemed "violence" when you move into his personal space and stay there. He will invariably, after communicating his intense discomfort in a variety of ways (verbal and/or non-verbal cues), push you away from him. If you come back, he may hit you. Yet it is impulsive, he doesn't think it through, he doesn't plan it, and he doesn't even do it in a way to cause damage. It is as much reflex as your jerking away your hand from a hot flame to avoid pain. Being in their personal space causes them pain and they are reacting accordingly. Yes, there have been cases of police officers stepping into a person with Autism's personal space while speaking to them in a very loud and raised voice, and the person striking out in an attempt to restore their personal space. However these were also cases where the law enforcement officer was unaware of the person being on the spectrum and approached them in a way that frightened, confused, and seriously terrified the person. Still, shouldn't the reporter be more specific? Why would the reporter imply that Asperger syndrome is synonymous with criminal violence? The reality is that studies have not empirically shown that there is a higher prevalence of violence among those with Asperger Syndrome. What has been proven is that more males with Asperger Syndrome show violence than women with Asperger Syndrome but this is simply because there are many more men with Asperger Syndrome then women. Many specialist have verified that Autism Spectrum Disorders DO NOT result in higher criminal activity.

"Both Autism and psychopathy entail a lack of empathy." Really? Where oh were did this research come from? It has been determined that studies done regarding empathy and ASD did not utilize testing tools to accurately measure empathy. People with ASD think and feel differently then neurotyps and therefore the tests that register empathy in neurotyps did not give an accurate result when tested on those with ASD. A study that was done addressing this states that, when tested with a way that truly represents those on the spectrum and empathy, the measurements are comparative to neurotyps. Of course, I've seen my child cry for HOURS because he made a comment that someone took offense at. A comment that was purely logical and meant to cause no harm or disrespect. I've seen the empathy in those tears.

Unfortunately, there will always be those that jump on what the media states and bases their assumptions on that. There will be those that, due to the media's portrayal of Asperger/ASD, will believe that Autism equates violence.

I will not be one of those. Please, join with me in refusing to accept what is portrayed by media as fact and instead determine to dig for the facts yourself and see the truth in all matters.  

A Child with Special Needs

My youngest had been doing average for the last couple of weeks. No major meltdowns, no major bad days. Just the usual run of the mill never stop moving, screaming instead of using words, not getting in carseat without a battle every other time, refusal to eat, trouble sleeping...you know, just the usual daily stuff. Today though is A BAD DAY.

Today, he MUST spin continously. I am typing while sitting on the coffee table (I thank God for wireless keyboards) as Pook as commanderred my desk chair. It spins. So, while typing on the coffee table, I am reaching over every little bit to spin him. Attempts for us to eat lunch were unsuccessful. He completely melted down and my file box got dumped out, things got thrown, and he repeatedly beat on himself while screaming. So, we have taken turns eating today. I ate while his sister spinned and now she eats while I spin.

Through all of this today we are listening to the same song over and over and over and over again. It's his favorite song, "Every Move I Make" by Integrity Music.