"I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?"
Every year, as August 8th nears, I begin to think of my friend that died when we were 14 years old. I always dwell on the last time we were together. We went to eat seafood with several other families. On the way back home, she and I sat in the middle seat of Dad's brown Toyota mini-van. We sang "We Are Family" while dancing around and then "Lean On Me". That was when all we had to listen to was radio or a cassette. These songs just happen to play on the radio back to back. We smiled and laughed and said we'd always be family.
This year makes 20 years since Mary died. We were 14. I was on vacation, worried about a boy. He broke up with me that trip, and I remember thinking it was the end of the world. We were on vacation, and I didn't know she had died.
I remember so vividly, I'd just gotten out of the same brown Toyota mini-van and had my blue suitcase in my hand. I was walking to the front door and Dad was reading a note left on the door. I remember he looked at Mom who was somewhere behind me and said in a shocked, stunned voice, "Mary's dead." I don't think he quite believed it and it seemed almost as if he was hoping she would tell him he was wrong. I don't even think he realized that I was there, or that his words forever altered me. I'd just lost my best friend.
I can't tell you how long I spent beating myself up over the fact that I had been on vacation, worried about some stupid guy, while she was being laid to rest. I never got to say goodbye and for the first time, at 14 years old, I understood that funerals aren't for those who've passed...........funerals are for those that are left behind.
20 years..........it seems so big, so long. I've lived more years since Mary passed then I had before. I grew up to go to college, to have children, to marry.
I remember being scared that I'd forget her. Yet, even now when our songs come on the radio, I crank it up and I am taken back to that day, cruising down 109 in a brown Toyota van, singing at the top of our lungs, knowing we had our whole lives ahead of us. When I eat seafood, I see her smiling and laughing beside me.
When I was 16, I was in my first wreck. It was in that brown Toyota mini-van.
I remember when the boy I was so wrapped up in on that vacation got married, and all I could think about was my dear friend who I missed.
I remember when her Mom asked to speak to me on the phone. She told me that Mary had always looked up to me and that she loved me. I remember being so shocked............she'd looked up to me? I had always looked up to her.
I still have the ring that belonged to Mary. Her mother gave it to me after she'd passed. It's worn now, and bent out of shape. When I was 18, I had a severe allergic reaction. My boyfriend at the time, who was later to become the father of two children, was in the ER with me when the reaction started. He told me later that I screamed and fought the nurses when they said they had to cut off my rings due to swelling. He said I couldn't even talk, and could barely breathe, but that I fought them so much that the doctor told them to figure something else out. I had to be treated and the doctor couldn't treat me while I was fighting. I have that ring sitting now so that every morning it's one of the first things I see, and I see it throughout my day as well. I see it before I go to bed at night.
I've had the type of life that is seen in movies, read in books, and even though it's marked "based on a true story" no one really believes it's true.
BUT, I've had that life. I've had those years. I've lived longer since my best friend died then before.
It's been 20 years, and I haven't forgotten.
I love you Mary. I can't wait to see you again!! We have so much to talk about.
*name changed to protect anonymity
"I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?"
Quote taken from the movie "Stand By Me"
No comments:
Post a Comment