Just before Thanksgiving this year, my husband decided he wanted nothing to do with myself or our three children. He wouldn't even share Thanksgiving dinner with us. He left us with past due bills and took the entire months' income with him. Everything looked dark and dreary...... hopeless.
I think the worst thing that happens when a spouse abandons you is that you lose your hope in people....all people. You lose your faith in the goodness of people. You look around and feel that everyone around you is living a lie. If the person you cared most for, the person you were closest to, the person who knew you better then anyone and the person you knew best.......if that person can suddenly walk out and abandon you, then can you really trust anyone at all?
I would pull up in a parking lot and look at fathers walking with their children and think, "Poor kids....they'll be crushed when he walks out on them". I'd see a couple holding hands and walking in a park and think, "I bet she thinks she knows him." I'd hear people make promises to me, and think "Only until it's not convenient for you". All my faith and hope in humankind was gone.
So, I prayed. I am so shattered that praying is difficult. I become so overwhelmed with emotions that the words just won't come. I cry out in agony and just ask God over and over again to help me. To help my children. I asked God that if all this heartache had to happen to us, then could He please please please at least let others be touched by it and come to know Him. I've learned in life that begging for God to make all the bad to go away doesn't work, but that God can take ANY situation and bring it to good.
At these times, in these moments of agonizing prayer, I'm comforted by the words at Romans 8:26-28, "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in ALL THINGS God works for the good of those who love him."
This Christmas, an anonymous donor contacted the electric company wanting to pay someone's bill as a gift. This wonderful person paid two past due bills for us, preventing our disconnect today. I don't know who they are, but they wished our family a "Merry Christmas". Two friends helped me to pay the mortgage this month. One friend did so by giving me some of her birthday money she'd gotten. I'm not even sure if the other family could really "afford" to help, but they did so anyway. They also purchased gifts for our children, including some much much needed clothing for our family. Another friend took us shopping so we could get immediate needs met, such as shoes, clothing and even underwear, even though they struggle as a single parent! Someone brought us a large bag of dog food to help feed the large dog my husband left behind. They also helped us to set up a larger kennel for the dog and provide her with an area protected from rain. A friend, her mother, and her sister (who I'd never met) donated groceries, laundry detergent, toilet paper, paper towels, a tree, decorations and Christmas gifts for the children. We had three invitations for Thanskgiving dinner last month, and not one of them asked us to bring anything. To top it off.....we got to take home leftovers that fed us for a week. Someone I've never met gave me a gift bag with Mary Kay items in it! Another friend, despite tons of medical bills, brought by gifts for the children. Person after person has offered prayers for our family.
It's a good thing the Holy Spirit prays for us when we can't, and that God hears our prayers. I never prayed for God to restore my faith in people, but my heavenly Father did so anyway.
Tonight, I sat down to wrap presents. Growing up, I didn't celebrate holidays. I have not experienced it as an adult either. Holidays seemed to me so dismal....a blatant reminder of the greed of people. How they would shove and push to get the "best deal" at a store. How people would brag about all they'd gotten for other people for Christmas which only reminded me of the Pharisees. How families would go in debt just to keep up appearances so others wouldn't know how broke they truly were.
Yet, tonight I sat down and wrapped presents. As I wrapped each one, I'd think about the pleasure and joy I was going to see on the children's faces when they opened their gifts. I thought about the person who'd so carefully chosen that gift for them. I thought of how they had not done so for personal gain, but to help my children get through a Christmas darkened with their father's absence. I thought of how my children were going to learn that even in their darkest hour, God is there for them and providing for them abundantly!As I looked at the gifts others have poured upon us, I think of the scripture at Matthew 7:11 that reads, "If you, then, though evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
I don't know what worries tomorrow will bring. God tells me not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself and that each day has enough trouble for it's own. God also says he'll provide all our needs....our clothing, our food, our drink. (Matthew 6:30-34)I feel as if I have nothing left to give, but God tells me that those who hope in Him "will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:31)
The children and I are learning that when all is dark, lost, hopeless........when others mock you and turn from you because they scoff at your faith in God........when each day seems to heap more worries........when tears come more then laughter...........it's at these times that we praise God. It's these times we sing Him songs, we praise Him in our prayers, we shout to the world His blessings in our life.
It's pretty hard to hear Satan whispering deceit in your ear when you're singing praises to your Father whose love never fails.
This Christmas, God showed me that, like the Samaritan that stopped and cared for the injured and robbed man lying on the side of the road.....there are still men and women today that reach out to others they do not know. (Luke 10:25-37) God showed me that like the widow who offered only a mite, that people today will still give out of their necessity to help others in worse need. (Mark 12:41-44) God showed me that those hurting others are those far from Him and hurting themselves. He's reminded me to forgive seventy times seven. (Matthew 18:21-23) God has reminded me that even when someone is trying to harm me, or my children, that God can intend it for good and use it to reach others for Him. (Genesis 50:20)
This Christmas, God restored my faith in people and in mankind.
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