A True Friend

Over the last two months, I've been forced into situations where I had no choice but to deeply evaluate my life choices....both past, present, and future. I have learned alot about myself, what I value, what I need, what I want, and the differences between alot of them. I have also found a spot in my life where I am finally settling into the "middle"....instead of jumping from one extreme to the other.

There are certain things that I hold to be true. Certain prayers that I asked from God that He answered. Certain gifts I have been given by God. The combination of these things, in addition to the harshness that has been thrust upon me in my life, has resulted in my often feeling alone in this world.

Yet, despite it all, I strive to look to others' best interest. It isn't for what I might gain, but because I truly believe that the only way to survive this world with our hearts and souls intact is by living our life unselfishly for others. It's not about material things either. To truly live your life unselfishly for others you must do two things.

Forgive unconditionally. Love unconditionally.

Neither of these are easy. Neither of these are even humanly possible. Yet, there comes a point in life where you realize that it is OK that the things you strive after are impossible to reach. It's at those times you let God's unconditional love and unconditional forgiveness flow through you. His love and His forgiveness flows through you and out to those that have hurt you, those that might have betrayed you, those that weren't there for you when you needed them. The forgiveness and love that you allow to flow out to them is healing.....for all parties involved. That healing has the potential to open up new doors to self growth in all parties involved.

I haven't given God much credit in my life lately. Quite honestly, I was mad at Him. I pulled away from Him. I quit talking to Him. I had asked Him to do just one thing for me and He hadn't done it. I had promised Him that I'd never ask for anything else (even now I know that wasn't true) if only He'd answer this one request. If only He'd let my faith be restored and solidified through this one miraculous act. It didn't happen. I walked away.

I'm only just beginning to find my way back. I've only asked Him for two things since I turned back to seek Him. He's already answered BOTH request. He answered them quickly.....answered MY prayer...the one who hasn't even looked toward Him in months! He loved me unconditionally the ENTIRE TIME I WAS HURTING HIM! He forgave me....not AFTER I begged for it, but even as I was still continually sinning against Him and causing Him pain.

This is the love and forgiveness that He allows to flow through us to others. Why wouldn't we allow Him to use us this way?

Looking back, I can see that even as I turned from Him, He still held true to the earlier answered prayers. I had asked him quite some time ago to help me love and forgive as Christ did. At the time I asked, I was seeking only to heal my own heartache. I didn't realize that with this type of unconditional love and unconditional forgiveness, an entirely new type of heartache would be thrust upon me. I plowed through though....knowing that this is what life is supposed to be about.

The results aren't always going to be good. Doing the right thing is never easy... at first. Doing the right thing doesn't mean that others will react to it positively. However, it is still the right thing. And sometimes, just sometimes, you are given a glimpse of the impact it has on another. Sometimes, you are given a ray of sunshine.

Tonight, I was given that ray. Tonight, I was called a "true friend". This was from someone that doesn't take the word "friend" lightly. This was from someone that rarely exposes their own emotions, and even less often their weaknesses. This was from someone who appreciated what I offered, even while making no demands to such. This was from someone that meant it.

I know that for every person that is touched by my compassion, there will be tons more that shun me for the same reason. I know that there will be the heartache that comes with showing compassion, only to have it refuted. The  heartache that comes from being able to see what someone needs so clearly, but to see them turn from that and head into a path of self destruction and pain.

Yet tonight I sleep comforted. Tonight, I know that there is one whose life has been impacted. I know that no matter where life leads this person, at this point in time, my unconditional forgiveness, love and compassion for all mankind has touched them and given them something they needed. For tonight, that is enough.