Divorce

I wrote this magnificent post earlier, but apparently it disappeared into cyber space. *sigh
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We've been apart for three and a half years. Today, we went to court for our divorce.

We were the only couple in the courtroom that were laughing and joking with each other. You took the stand and the judge asked when we were married. You looked at me, I looked at you..... both of us dumbfounded. The bailiff looked at us confused. When I whispered across the courtroom to you, "December" and then you noticeably started counting years to figure out the year, the lady behind me started to laugh. Even the bailiff got tickled. When he handed us our divorce papers, his "Congratulations" was all smiles! I'm guessing that isn't something he usually gets to say. No one else in the courtroom was smiling.

After court we spoke for a while. I'm unsure why you lied to me about where you were parked. Had you simply told me you didn't have a car, I would have offered you a ride and been fine when you declined it. I guess some things never change. You never could accept that in some areas I was better than you. I always tried to explain to you that is the beauty of life. There were things that you did better, things that I did better. It never made either of us better than the other. We had differences, yet if everyone was the same, how boring would life be?

After a half hour or so, we parted. As I drove away, I remembered the night you abandoned our family to join your mistress. I was so dumbfounded that you would choose a drug addiction shared with her over the life we had started creating together.

More than dumbfounded though....... I WAS PISSED.

I stood in the driveway and yelled and screamed at God and Satan both. I told them if that was the best they could throw my way, than they were nothing. I yelled at them, "Give me your best shot cause you'll never break me". I screamed, I cursed, I yelled.

Afterward I realized that if all the Bible stories are true, then I should be grateful I was not living in Biblical times as the curses I called out would have had God smote me there on the spot.

I've often wondered, in the years past, if Satan and God decided to honor my taunts.

Life has surely been a walk through hell since.

You wiped out the bank account and left us three months behind on all the bills.

We've lost 16 people to death since you left, all but two of them to cancer.

Our dog was murdered by hunters I pissed off.

The dog you left behind was kidnapped in the middle of the night. Her mate showed up three days later, irrevocably shaken. She never appeared though we still post her pic and beg people to let us know if they see her.

I came out of remission. Docs say 6 to 12. What do they know, eh? They were wrong the first time, they'll be wrong this time (gotta put on a brave face when you're a mom).

Life has been very difficult for the kids and I since you left.

Yet, when you walked in that courtroom today, I instantly realized how much easier life has been since you've been gone.

I don't have to worry about looking for female cashiers so you won't get insecure when the male cashier smiles as he hands me my change.

I don't have to make sure the house is spotless when you come home from work, I can actually take a day to play with the kids and have toys or art supplies across the table.

I don't have to go back behind your rants and explain to the kids that the things you said to them are not true, that you are merely manifesting your own self esteem issues onto them.

I don't have to sit at home and plead for gas money to take the kids to the doctor.

Yeah, you're gone. Life got hard as hell. But it's still so much better than what it was.