That Moment

Do you know "that moment"? You're moving through life, progressing forward, focusing on the future and then WHAM. Out of nowhere it hits you.

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I'm not even sure how long it's been since he and I parted ways. At least two months now. Looking back, I can see that it was not where I needed to be. It was not healthy for me. I know that being alone is better than being in a relationship that isn't meeting your basic needs. I KNOW all these things.

Yet, I miss so many things. I miss having someone wrap around me every single night. I miss the little things he did to show he cared. I miss the secret code words and glances that no one else understood. I miss the secret smiles and the quick touches that no one else noticed.

I miss the dreams we planned together, all the things we were going to achieve and conquer.

I know that, even now, he loves me. I know that he misses me. I also know that somehow, that makes it more difficult.

I know that he and I will not be together. My trust in him was destroyed and no remnant remains.

In all reality, it isn't really him that I miss. It was merely having someone here. Someone to talk to. Someone to feel. Someone that could torment my body with the pain that would drive me up the wall like nothing else.

Of course, I've felt extremely sexually frustrated of late and am certain that this could be intensifying that lonely feeling. I have "options" yet casual sex is so very over-rated and unfulfilling.

Yet, sex in itself is not going to stave away that feeling of loneliness. It will merely numb that sense temporarily in the midst of the act.

Afterwards, the intensity is even stronger.

*sigh I know that tomorrow will bring a new day and that I will not feel the loneliness that tonight brings. Yet just for tonight it is here, intensified by someone else's loss as well as the numerous offered dates and intimate encounters I've received.

Tomorrow is a new day.