Questions

How many tears can one person shed in a lifetime? 

How many times can a person make the same mistake?

Is it a mistake if you genuinely believed at the time that you were doing the right thing? 

How much heartache, bad news, trouble, and pain can the human heart endure? 

How much physical pain can a broken body endure before insanity comes?

How many people must betray a person before they cease to help others? 

At what point does one cease to hope? 

How long will those that deceive, use, take advantage of and willfully destruct others succeed even as those that reach out to show compassion get struck down again and again?

If we all know life isn't fair, why do we hurt so much when that unfairness impacts us yet again? 

How is it that people can say all the right things, but never mean them? 

Why do people expect so much from others when they have no desire to give in return? 

Is it truly dysfunctional to continue to love those that can not care about you, simply because they do not have love for themselves? 

When a person that is, at the moment, incapable of love and compassion and assaults you verbally, should you still reflect on what they have accused and allow it to haunt you? 

Why do people leave when you need them the most? 

How much can one person take? 

Has a person ever died from physical pain from a broken and diseased body? 

Do people die from heartache when it comes year after year? 

Are some people destined to have tragic and heart rending lives? 

Why do people have to pay for another's sins? 

Why do people pull away from those that genuinely care about them, only to cling to those that use them? 

Why do people sling accusations against genuine, real, compassionate human beings even as they cling to those that have no compassion? 

Why would a person chose an "internet" family over a real flesh and blood family that loves them? 

How can people abandon their children? 

How can parents turn against their child due to personal preferences, sexual orientation, or religious beliefs? 

How can I hurt so deeply, feel so much, long to offer support and love..........yet year after year watch people walk away when the weather impacts my health and leaves me broken?

Burdens versus Blessings

To him:

Tonight our youngest child is sick. He's running a fever and vomiting. This is only the third time he's ever had this happen. The second time was the day you walked out on us.

This time is different though. This time, there is no one here to complain and be mean because there is a sick child sleeping in our bedroom. This time I can get up as often as I need to for water, napkins, tylenol, cool wash clothes, etc and not worry that I'm going to get yelled at. I can rock my child  in the rocking chair and not have to hear you complain about how the squeaking of the chair bothers you. I can set the alarm for every so many hours so that I can administer medication and know that I won't have to put up with doors being slammed or fist punched through walls.

You complained often about the "burdens" of having children. Tonight I've cleaned up vomit three times. I've checked temps 4 times. I've made two bottles of apple juice. I've rubbed his back, rocked him, and held him more then I can count. Yet, none of this has been a burden. Instead, it's a blessing.

Maybe one day you'll be able to see that as well.

Banana Splits and Sleepovers

Today is the first day I've had all three of my kids home at the same time since getting stuck in the hospital. IT IS FANTABULOUSLY WONDERFUL HAVING THEM ALL HOME!!!!

My best friend brought her two children for a good ole sleepover. Truth be told, we all knew I couldn't handle a night with all three by myself. Right now, my best friend and one child are camped out in my bed room. I'm on the couch (which is pretty much where I've lived since getting released) and I have the other 5 kids on a big pallet on the floor. The two girls are singing lullabies to Pook. This, is bliss.

Life isn't always easy in our family. Well, it's never easy. You're not likely to meet a family as diverse as ours when it comes to health problems and special needs. Our house is messy, we never have enough money, there is always unfolded laundry, someone is either always in pain or having a meltdown, and we spend so much time between hospitals and doctor offices I have yet to understand why we don't have permanent rooms there.

Yet, we are held together by a strong bond of love. Many families get torn apart. Part of our family has been recently torn apart. Yet, there are four of us that are deeply twined together.....four of us that won't be torn apart. The reason is because we have something else intertwined with us. Something stronger then we could ever hope to be. Something that as we grow and change, and ever as the paths we walk upon lead us away from each other, it will consistently remain the same. Our bond is held together by the love of God. Through that love we are bound and forever will be.

Today was exhausting, painful, emotionally trying, and downright difficult. I couldn't have asked for a greater blessing.

PS.... Banana Splits with ALL the toppings for breakfast!!! What's a sleepover without ice cream for breakfast?