My mind keeps going back to the rebound situation. I have thought about it from every possible angle. I've been in conversation with my intellectual friend discussing the various aspects.
This is the first time that I've truly admitted that I use rebounds, and how complete my abandonment of them is after. This is the first time that I've ever decided that I would no longer do that. Having done so, I feel that I am not even capable of looking at someone with that concept. Typically, there requires only a few factors me me to take on a rebound relationship: Physical Attraction on both parts, their acceptance (even if superficially) of the terms I present of it being a rebound, and their understanding that it is not to be spoken of.
Yet, this new potential rebound is not equating that way at all. Instead, I notice all these little things about him..... the way he cuts his eyes sideways at me when I say something that catches his attention, the way he smiles and gives me quick light dainty kisses on my head as he walks by, the way he genuinely listens to EVERY SINGLE THING I SAY without complaint even when I'm babbling. His impressive knowledge, intellect and genius. I am certain I could speak to him of any topic and he could hold his own. He also has this unique way of being able to genuinely see things from other people's perspectives. It's a very logical outlook and though he may not be able to understand the why behind it, he can see it! There is also his inability to be dishonest.
Ahhh yes, I do believe that is, at the moment, the feature that draws me to him the most. I have always told those I have dated that as long as they were 100% honest with me and transparent, that we could make it through anything. That I would stand at the gates of hell and fight Satan himself if required, as long as I knew I could trust them to be honest with me. The concept of having something I had already deemed as impossible ..... I feel almost as if it is a fairy tale dream.
I'm also looking at the other possibilities concerning this honesty. Am I really willing to deal with any situation as long as honesty is a part of it? I've never really thought it through since I never thought it was possible. It requires deeper thought to be sure.
Of course, I have been strongly considering a full dom/sub relationship. A relationship where the Dom would be able to push me past the issues I have not been able to get past. Where he would take control so that I would not have to. A relationship where I would be the clay to be sculpted by someone that knew me as well as I knew myself and could help me get past the dysfunctions I have.
Somehow, I do not see that as being the case with this intellect.
However, could being with someone incapable of dishonesty help my trust issues? Could it bring me to a new level of healing simply because I could trust this person to never deceive me? Could this be a path to growth?
I've explained to him the fear that I have of using him as a rebound and dismissing him when done. However, I think that through discussing it, I've realized that I won't do that with him. I've also explained that I'm not over my ex, that I still have heart strings connected. He seems at peace with both scenarios. We're still discussing the ins and outs. What we both would like, what we don't like. Hard limits, soft limits. Where we would like it to go, where we don't want it to go. I don't think I've ever discussed having a relationship so much before starting one before.
We'll see how it goes. At present, I'm counting down the days till I see him again. By that time I should have fully debated all the ins and outs and decided whether to pursue this.
All in all, the positives listed below seem to be overweighing any potential negatives:
Inability to be dishonest
Physically affectionate
Adorable and Sexy, depending on the moment
Intelligent, Intelligent, Intelligent
Unique
Switch with similar fetishes
Unbelievable girth (as in OMG is that even possible?!?! and I don't know if it can even fit)
Likes to shoot big guns (oh come on, you KNOW that's sexy!)
Did I mention intelligent? ;)
Hmmmm..... looking forward to this journey regardless of what he and I decide. Because even if we do not pursue a relationship, we already have the foundations of an amazing friendship.
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