I Warned Him

I warned him.

In the beginning that trust was most important to me.

Midway through that his violating my trust left me second guessing everything and that he must rebuild that trust or we would have nothing.

Towards the end, that his ongoing rejection of me was pushing me to the point that I would have to wall myself off. Close off my emotions and bury them deep within me.

I feel it. That old familiar deadening overtaking me. The dullness and dimness that comes as I bury it all deep within because feeling nothing is better then the hurt and subsequent anger.

I have never come back from that. I bury those emotions until they are deep. Closed off from the sun. Surrounded by darkness and cold. Until it suffocates and dies.

Survival comes when I cease to live.

The point of no return.

Will he come to me before its too late?

If he comes too late, is it possible for me to bring back my heart from the abyss?

Can one feel again after they have closed down that part of themselves?

I have never questioned this before. I never cared. I let my anger transform into near hate until I could no longer feel.

I have tried and tried to hate him. It would be easier of I could.

I pity him instead and only want his happiness, even if it does not include me.

Sometimes I wish I could be selfish. Maybe selfish and not lonely is better than selfless and always alone.

Always alone.

To die alone.

Promises broken.

Trust forsaken.

Hope shattered.

Heart splintered.